Marvel just released their movie schedule through President Rand Paul’s first term


It is truly a great time to be a nerd.

At a small New York press event on Tuesday, Marvel Studios announced their next phase of superhero movie releases after next spring’s Avengers: Age of Ultron, including the third Thor and Captain America titles, a slew of new character solo films, and a two-part grand finale called Avengers: Infinity War. In total, nine new movies were announced, spanning from late 2016 to the end of 2019, corresponding uncoincidentally with what will be almost the entire first term of President Rand Paul.

In addition to the already in production Age of Ultron and Ant-Man, both scheduled for release in 2015, the newly announced Captain America: Civil War will premiere in May 2016, in the midst of the presidential primaries. Though by that point, now-Senator Rand Paul may have wrapped up the GOP nomination and be gearing up to choose a running mate and rally the nation at the Republican National Convention.

Doctor Strange, the first of the newly announced character films, which likely will star Benedict Cumberbatch, will premiere on November 4, 2016, just four days before GOP nominee Paul receives at least 270 electoral votes (though probably closer to 315) to win the presidential election on November 8.

Following in the first rapturous year of President Paul’s term will be two sequels to existing works, Guardians of the Galaxy and Thor, and another new character solo film, and the first featuring a non-white title character*, Black Panther. The actor who will play the Black Panther, also known as T’Challa, was also announced today as Chadwick Boseman, who recently played Jackie Robinson in the ‘42’ biopic. It is unclear whether President Paul’s unprecedented outreach to the African-American community will have fully or only significantly repaired race relations in the country by that date, but if not, this film should help.

(*) Technically, Marvel Studios’ first feature, the Incredible Hulk, featured a non-white main character, at least part of the time, but for the purposes of this post radiologically altered skin colors will not count.

Scheduled for the next year are the first part of the Avengers: Infinity War cosmic coupe de grace as well as the final announced new solo character film, Captain Marvel, the first lead by a female superhero. By the second full year of President Paul’s first term, the #WarOnWomen will undoubtedly be an anachronistic fairy tale of political history as the president’s overtures on family, community, and individual liberty will have long erased any perceived gender gap in voting patterns.

Coming just four days before the first midterm election of President Paul’s tenure and another likely increase in the Republican majorities in the House and Senate, the alien superhero team, Inhumans, gets their first feature film. Then the conclusion of the Infinity War comes next in May 2019, as the potential Democrat challengers start ramping up their ultimately futile primary campaigns.

Marvel has yet to announce any hoped-for Black Widow or Hulk solo films, but left open the possibility of filling in any blanks later. They also have not said if the Marvel Cinematic Universe will continue after Infinity War in 2020 and beyond. We assume that by his reelection campaign that year, President Rand Paul will be so universally respected and admired that any future superhero films will be rendered unnecessary.

President Paul will be all the superhero we need.

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