Big Sister to resign from Homeland Security post

Big Sister -- Janet Napolitano

Janet Napolitano, who has headed the Department of Homeland Security since 2009, announced this morning that she will resign her post to serve as president of the University of California.

“For more than four years I have had the privilege of serving President Obama and his Administration as the Secretary of Homeland Security,” said Napolitano in a statement. “The opportunity to work with the dedicated men and women of the Department of Homeland Security, who serve on the frontlines of our nation’s efforts to protect our communities and families from harm, has been the highlight of my professional career.”

Napolianto commended herself for policies that DHS has helped implement, including the harassment of travelers at airport security checkpoints, claiming that it has helped “minimize threats of all kinds to the American public.”

“After four plus years of focusing on these challenges, I will be nominated as the next President of the University of California to play a role in educating our nation’s next generation of leaders,” added Napolitano. “I thank President Obama for the chance to serve our nation during this important chapter in our history, and I know the Department of Homeland Security will continue to perform its important duties with the honor and focus that the American public expects.”

The elaborate security theater that Napolitano helped play a role in implementing has earned her the name “Big Sister,” a play off of the dystopian society led by Big Brother in George Orwell’s book, Nineteen Eighty-Four, sales of which soared after the NSA’s broad, unconstitutional surveillance of innocent Americans became public knowledge.

Under Napolitano’s leadership, DHS produced at least two reports that targeted “right-wing extremism,” the first of which focused specifically on individuals and organizations suspicious of centralized government and individual liberty. While the latter report, published just last year, had a broader scope, it still placed emphasis on Americans who have conservative or libertarian views.

Napolitano’s resignation comes as the Senate is engaged in a fight over cabinet-level nominees, which could lead Democrats the chamber to scrap the filibuster, and as the House is taking up immigration reform.

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